Madonna is Good at Suck

By Ian Coverdale - January 20, 2007

No, that's not a documentary about neural disorders, featuring Keith Richards having a seizure after falling out of a coconut tree - it's Madonna dancing for us in her new video! Yikes!

Of the handful of celebs I've chosen to inaugurate this anti-love-in, Madonna has been one of the most appallingly annoying and arrogant, for one of the longest periods of time. The gross-ness that is Madonna now spans 3 decades, almost too much to bear thinking about. For most celebrities I've come up with a page of their positive characteristics to balance out the negativity you know - but right now I can't think of much to populate that list - sorry Gappy - I am trying .

In keeping with her reputation, Madonna has a rather large, distended bag in this photo. It looks shorn as well.

The Madonna Sucks List

1. The whole blonde power thing sucks. I can dig women asserting themselves and all that, but her she's not even blond for goodness sake.

2. The spirituality BS. First it was pretending she's edgy, then she's all business, then she's from India, then it's talking with an English accent, and now this stupid red string on the wrist Kaballah nonsense. Gee - Ashton and Demi are doing it, and they seem like geniuses - it must work! Meh!

3. Claiming to be a dancer. Yikes, we all used to do the health hustle in gym, but you don't see me claiming to be a dancer. From Holiday, to Lucky Star, to whatever the new Madonna songs crap are titled - I've yet to see dance moves that impress anyone but little girls and gay men. You're no Ginger, ya Suck!

4. Wearing your sexuality as if we should care. Trying to drum up controversy with sex is like shooting fish in a barrel, and probably one of the most easy to employ, tacky and whorish methods of self promotion. Good job it was the suck 80's when you made your name or we'd never have heard of you!

5. Lowering the bar. Since Madonna, there's been no shortage of girls scantily clad, parading themselves and showing their belly buttons to distract from the black hole where their talent belongs- thankfully non with your with lumpy chin and icky teeth. Sure, people were doing it before Madonna, but they had talent!

6. Trend whore. Madonna can and will latch herself on to any trend or cultural brain-fart that comes along, eager to slot her self in and provide another dated look for her portfolio. The medium is tedium!

Madonna, you SUCK.

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Next - some other random twit or git - back to the Suck List with you!

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Ian Coverdale has been contributing humor to the world wide web since before he was born, probably as far back as the 1950s!
He writes crap like this to justify the time he spends watching Entertainment Tonight with his wife, whom he beats about the uterus now and then with his love block.

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